Paul Gauguin

I've come to appreciate the sensibility, beauty, simplicity and the silent commentary in Gauguin's work in his later years. Of the Tahitian series, these are some of my favorite.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

At the precipice

Sitting in my moderately controlled climate office on the third floor of the venerable Terrell Hall on the University of Georgia's north campus, I am literally at the precipice of a watershed moment in my life.

I thought I'd be elsewhere doing other things. I thought I'd be tripping the light fantastic on U St. or getting some sun in the Tidal Basin on a paddle boat. But not today. Not today, no. Today, I'm at my desk in sleepy Athens, GA. Today, I am an Admissions Counselor for a nationally ranked research university. Today, I am listening to James Taylor, Winehouse, Coldplay, the Commodores, Labi Siffre, Maxwell and a heavy intermittent dose of D'Angelo. Yeah, that's not for me, it's for her. But now, what's for her, is for me and in the end, that's what it's all about. I've come to know that, and realize that, and more importantly accept and embrace that.

Back to this crossroads. I want to be there. I so very badly want to be there, but I'm here. I can get there. But I have to handle some things first. And I'm handling them. As tough as it seems, and as much as my body aches from the pain of not being there juxtaposed with the pain from working out and pushing my atrophied body to its own extremes. Is it funny? Sure. But it's better that we had this discussion now.

So, I'm at the crossroads, preparing to embark on a new phase of education that will not only secure me professionally, but will also serve to house, feed and clothe my family in all of the finery that I have envisioned for them. Is it scary? Not really. Is it exciting? Absolutely.

But that crossroad has pitfalls. There is the time that it will take. If history has taught me anything, time is relative, and things go by faster than one could possibly imagine. Just like I can't wait for Labor Day, and before I know it, it'll be here, and I'll be having coffee and beignets at Cafe Du Monde in Jackson Square. And I also know that time is what you make of it.

Am I afraid? Not anymore. I've got family, oh precious family. I've got friends. I've got my faith. And all of that is in no particular order mind you. I've got her. I can't make you understand, but when you know, you know, ya know?

Jordan taught me that the Cherokee make decisions that will positively affect those five generations after their own. That's the crossroad really. It's past time. Man up and kick in, like a man. Do it for Harry, Zora, Emily Lou, Addison, Mackenzie and John Edward William. Do it for her. Do it for me.

I don't know if we ever realize that we have to love ourselves enough first to want to improve. I don't know if we ever truly get it that the greatest sign of affection or gesture of love for self is actually doing for self. Improving self. Taking care of self. I'm doing it.

I'm at the precipice and I like it. I have all the inspiration I need to step out into the unknown to success, to prosperity, security, gazebos, Yorkies, bicycles with baskets, private schools and her.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Cowboy Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message "Our season is Dead."
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

They were my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love this season would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

- W.H. Auden & J.S. Carlos

Feeling Numb

The 2006-07 Dallas Mavericks were a thing of pure beauty; driven determination, confidence, wins and a mission to not only return to the Finals, but to win them.

If the regular season alone indicated the NBA champion, then I would have written this blog from Dallas while sitting in the grandstand at City Hall watching a parade that ended with the Larry O'Brien trophy.

But it doesn't.

The post-season is where champions are made, and I think my hometown team, the Dallas Mavericks, never grasped that during this year's playoffs. I remember growing up in Dallas, when the playoffs were a dream, not a given like they are now. I remember when getting there was just enough, and winning was merely a dream. That was the way that Golden State approached the playoffs.

And that, and that alone is why Golden State beat the Dallas Mavericks in six games during the first round of the NBA Playoffs.

Was AJ outcoached by Nellie? Sure.
Did Baron Davis outplay Nowitzki? Absolutely.
Was the crowd in Oakland more impactful? Probably so.

But in the end, it came down to desire. I don't really feel that Dallas particularly cared, and I think these Mavs were tired. No one is taking into account the games that they have played in the last three years. In 2005, the Mavs were ousted from the second round. In 2006, Dallas lost the NBA Finals in 6 games and this year, the Mavs won 67 games, they were tired.

Back to my questions. Nellie did outcoach AJ, but given his years and experience, that is to be expected. But then again AJ has been where Nellie never has as a coach, and definitely not as a first or second year coach, so get off of the General's back please.

Baron Davis showed heart, determination, soul, compassion, passion, energy, undeniability. Dirk proved his critics correctly by being listless, disinterested and ultimately feckless in the final game of the series. Yes, there were other Mavs on the floor, but can anyone honestly say that Josh Howard didn't come to play, or that Stackhouse didn't come to play after a shaky start? Can anyone honestly say that Devin Harris didn't play well or that Diop wasn't a formidable force? No. Jason Terry was seemingly invisible in this series, but then again, it all falls on the MVP candidate...Dirk.

Nowitzki faded away before our very eyes, and the commentators never really attacked him for it nearly with the zeal that they condemned Steven Jackson for his emotion and tenacity. Give me Steven Jackson in a minute, problems and all, because he's going to leave it all on the floor, and he's done it before. Real Mavs fans know that it was him, and really him alone who did the Mavs in during the 2003 Western Conference Finals.

Nowitzki will get the heap of the blame because he would also have gotten the praise had Dallas won as well. It comes with the territory that is fame, money and big time professional sports. And it when it mattered most, he didn't perform. This will be remembered forever, and this will be replayed forever, just like the shot of Dikembe Mutumbo gripping the ball in pure joy when an 8 seed defeated a 1 seed in 1994 has been played ad nauseam. And this time, when the clip of Davis bumping Nowitzki and drilling a three as #41 flops to the floor is played until my unborn sons and daughters see it and recognize it, it will be a constant and consistent reminder of the disappointment that this season was.

I feel numb because why should I care, if they didn't? I mean, I'm just a fan. They're the one's whose job it was to win, not mine. It was my job to brag and be philosophical.

But, I should've seen this coming. The last time we won our divisional championship, we lost in the first round of the playoffs to the upstart Seattle Supersonics and Dale Ellis who was a former Maverick. How fitting that 20 years ago to the date, the Mavs lost at the hands of their former head coach who brought winning ways back to the oft maligned and seemingly plagued team?

So when you want to know how I'm feeling about this, I'm feeling numb.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

All That I Can Say

I was raised in Dallas, Texas. Growing up in Dallas in the 1980s and 90s, there was one main thing that binded us all; the Dallas Cowboys. I have watched with great enjoyment, Super Bowl parades and been engulfed by tickertape. I have gone to pep rallys at Texas Stadium before the NFC Championship games and before Super Bowls. I have taken on a hostile group of Cheeseheads with my brother and father at DFW Airport.

Nixon said, in his farewell speech that "greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be at the highest mountain." In American sport, and in that most American of sports, football, this is so very true. We live and die emotionally by the success of our favorite teams, and I am no different a fan today on January 6, 2007 as I was when I tearfully accepted the fact the Roger Staubach retired or the bitterly cold January 1982 night when Dwight Clark caught 'The Catch' or the 1995 NFC Championship game which put me in a funk for two weeks.

So, with the feeling of the highs and lows, I watched tonight's playoff game of the 2006 version of my city's most favorite sons. And I watched the highs and the exquisitely painful lows of a truly up and down season filled with missed opportunities, inconsistencies, and countless wonder of what could have been. Tonight's game typified the season wherein the lack of concentration cost Dallas ultimately.

One can easily look back at the season and say that Terrell Owens is to blame, but that's too easy and in most cases incorrect. However, had T.O. caught one more pass in Philly, and one more pass at Washington, Dallas would've more than likely been 11-5 instead of 9-7. Had he caught one more pass against the Giants on MNF, the Pokes would've more than likely been 12-4. But, despite all of those drops, and all of the hoopla, the Cowboys were still in the playoffs, and still very much in the game, with their destiny and season firmly in their own hands. And what did they do? They fumbled it.

I can only imagine if Vick or Vince had fumbled that snap how they would be demonized in the national press. But, since it was Romo, it'll probably be pretty light. Somewhere between Brent Buckner, Leon Lett and the cat from Georgetown who threw the ball to the UNC player in the national championship game.

Excuses can and will be made, but he fumbled the ball, and we lost the game. As I get older, the losses are both harder and easier to handle. Harder, because I have a greater respect and understanding for the amazing set of circumstances that one must undertake to be in the position that professional football teams are in when in the playoffs, and yet still lose focus. Easier, because I am always encouraged by...next year. Had Romo been more cognisant of the first down, instead of the touchdown, and had he dove to the goal line, then his six foot frame alone would've gotten him a first down, and the Pokes could've punched it in by handing it to Barber. But, he had his eyes on that endzone, and his focused narrowed, and ultimately cost the Cowboys the season. Once again, I can only wonder what easy fodder this would've proved for commentators nationwide had it been Vick or Vince who fumbled the season away.

Well, this one will hurt for some time, because there was so much promise in the 2006 version of the city's favorite sons. But there is the refreshingly sweet solace that can only be provided by a win over the Spurs on the road on Friday night, and currently a 13 game win streak by the city's favorite kid brothers and its fiery little coach so full of vim, vigor and purpose.

The Things We Think and Do Not Say

1. The futility that is the Atlanta Falcons is as much Michael Vick's fault as it is that of the coordinators and coaches.
2. Michael Vick is far too sensitive.
3. Black Enterprise magazine, though I love and respect Earl Graves, really dropped the ball by not printing any of the letters about their 'Top 50 Colleges' list.
4. Chris Collinsworth says several questionably racist things on 'Inside the NFL.'
5. Steve Young doesn't like Michael Irvin, and really doesn't want to sit next to him on the ESPN set.
6. If Michael Irvin doesn't make the Hall of Fame, it will be his own fault.
7. Maybe that Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade was a great idea after all.
8. If LaDanian Tomlinson is not the NFL MVP then what credible reason could be used?
9. There's a strong chance that Tony Romo could make the ProBowl.
10. ESPN is like nectar from Mt. Olympus.
11. The loss of Ed Bradley leaves a deeper void in credible and professional journalism than one could imagine.
12. Why are the vast majority of sports talk radio hosts rabid right wingers?
13. Bob Costas is overrated.
14. There should be term limits in the United States Senate and in the House of Representatives.
15. Vince Young is going to prove them wrong on this level, just like he did on the previous level. That's what he does. He defies odds.
16. Notre Dame is the most overrated, unproven and pumped up team in all of sport.
17. If you read more about famous people, you'll like them less and less.
18. 'Stop This Train' by John Mayer is a beautiful song.
19. Jay-Z has become a bigger star than anyone in rap history.
20. Beatles 'Love' is well worth the sticker price.
21. There are some great movies coming out in December, but my guilty pleasure has to be 'Rocky Balboa.'
22. Joe Theisman isn't good at what he does because he's a contrarian. He was an okay quarterback, who on the strength of others won a Super Bowl, and thinks he's Unitas.
23. If Dungy doesn't get it done this year, the fingers will start pointing his way.
24. Why did Romo sit on the bench for so long?
25. If the Falcons don't have a winning season, it will be one of the greatest wastes of talent in the history of the NFL.
26. Falcon fans, like Redskin fans before them, must learn that just because the owner spends a lot of money doesn't mean that you're going to win the Super Bowl. You still have to play the games.
27. If I ever see John Ridley on the street, it's on.
28. Michael Richards should go on Larry King Live and get it over with.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Robert Altman, R.I.P.

Thank you for giving me films that always make me think.

My favorite is still 'The Player.'

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Innocence Lost

I'm a Seinfeld fan. I always loved that show, and I always loved the crazy character that Cosmo Kramer was. The show ended its run in 1998, and to this day, I watch episodes in syndication. I personally own 5 seasons of the show on DVD, and this morning, on my way to buy Jay-Z's latest, 'Kingdom Come', Seinfeld Season 7 was there. My initial reaction was to pick it up, but after the embarrasing pain I felt from a revered comedic individual like Michael Richards, I simply couldn't.

I watched his apology on Letterman. I personally feel that Letterman was the wrong show to do it from. He should be on Larry King Live, and take calls. He should be pleading for time with the editors of Ebony, Essence, Vibe and even Sister 2 Sister.

The innocence has been lost, and I for one am sadder for it.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Ed Bradley - 1941-2006

When I was very young in the early 1980s, every Sunday before we would go back to church for Sunday night service and after the football games on CBS were over, my father and I would sit down in our apartment on Northaven Rd. at Westhall Manor apartments and watch '60 Minutes.'

Sitting at my father's knee, eating a cherry Mrs. Smith's pie that my mother had heated up for us, I remember fondly watching this striking, proud and poised man, Ed Bradley.

At the time, the only other African American male I'd seen on television was Max Robinson at ABC. But, Ed Bradley was as much a part of my weekly regimen as that Sunday Mrs. Smith's pie. The regularity of his clarity of voice, his penchant for excellence in his work and his striving to be the best at his chosen profession truly inspired me then, and throughout the years since.

When I started college at Howard, I was pleasantly surprised that in my immediate circle of friends, Sundays at 7 were reserved for 60 Minutes. I would call my parents back in Dallas on Sunday evenings and we would discuss what Ed Bradley reported on, or what Rooney said in his commentary.

Ed Bradley will be revered as he properly should, as one of the great journalists in American history. He should be right up there with Winchell, Cronkite, Jennings, Rather, Jennings, Wallace, Safer and the rest. He personified cool in his demeanor and his style of reporting, and it truly looked effortless.

Fortunately, I was able to see him be honored by Morehouse College in 2003, by receiving a long overdue award at Morehouse's 'A Candle in the Dark' Gala. Of all the people over the years that received the award and that I was able to see at those events, he was one whose company I cherished the most.

Ed Bradley will be greatly missed, and Sundays will never quite be the same.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.