PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Courtside seats. Spike is on my left. My kids are in my lap. I'm wearing a green Morehouse sweatshirt. My wife is to my right...immaculate. It's game 1 of the NBA Finals pitting the Dallas Mavs and the New York Knicks. It's predicted to go 7 games.

What is the trait that you most deplore in yourself?
Fear.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Hypocrisy and lethargy.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Countless pints of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream and my weekly ration of steamed and seasoned crab legs from Publix.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Success. It can be achieved in so many b.s. and backwards ways.

On what occassion do you lie?
It used to be in December and May, but I've been going to class lately. Other than that, when I'm ready to move on in a conversation or discussion, and a little lie will keep us rolling.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
"I wish I was a little bit taller..." - Skee-Lo

What living person do you most despise?
There's not one person, but there are groups. You know like; supremacists, ultra-right wingers, Niner fans, etc.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"I am impeccable in my use of language." - Deepak Chopra

What is your greatest regret?
In the fall of 1993, I was walking back from the Metro station at Howard University. I walked through campus and I saw a girl sitting on bench across from the Crampton Auditorium. I recognized her because she was part of the young ladies we referred to as the Pac-10. They were west coast girls who were absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. I called her USC. Anyway, I saw USC sitting down, and as I walked by, me being in my pre-supposed station and she being in hers; mine of lowly first semester freshman and hers of freshwoman super star, I said hello. Surprisingly, in a total breach of etiquette, she spoke to me as well. Like a scared puppy, I walked away and never said anything else. I regret not speaking to her still this day.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Passing anything taught by Dr. Tobe Johnson.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
Joseph Morehouse Carlos...my future son

If you could choose what to come back as what would it be?
A Heisman trophy.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Possessing no hope.

What is your most marked characteristic?
The ease with which I say my name and extend my hand.

Who are your favorite writers?
Shakespeare, Jimmy Baldwin, Scott Fitzgerald, Laura Ingalls Wilder, W.E.B. DuBois

Who are your heroes in life?
Parents. Or at least mine are. They are the world's most surviving, splendid, intelligent, thoughtful, loving, understanding, caring and giving people the world has ever known.

What are your favorite names?
Joseph, Hazel, Jordan, Marjon, Carlos...Sasha

What is it that you most dislike?
Prejudice and bigotry.

How would you like to die?
Peacefully and quietly.

What is your motto?
"You've gotta love livin', cause dyin' is a pain in the ass!" - Francis Albert Sinatra

TRENT LOTT

You know, I grow tired.

I have assumed that Trent Lott was a virulent racist and a sorry individual ever since I first heard his name. Why in the world is everyone so surprised?

The Senator's comments at Strom Thurmond's birthday party a few weeks ago are just glimpse into the personal beliefs of the man representing a state known for its oppression of African Americans. Is it any wonder that things are the way they are in the Magnolia State with a senator like this in office? Is it any wonder that things are the way they are in the United States with this man ascending to the mantle of leadership in the U.S. Senate?

I don't know his voting record. I've read it wasn't African American friendly. And I believe that. I do however, remember how he came out so viciously towards President Clinton. I remember specifically the former Ole Miss Cheerleader coming out so vocally in support of censure and impeachment of the President when he was going through a very public controversy. Malcolm said that the chickens come home to roost, he called things justice, and that's exactly what I call this for Lott, justice. He deserves every bit of negative press and hot light that's cast his way. He deserves every aspersion thrown his way as well because he dished it out before, so now he feels what it's like to live through a storm of controversy.

Look at the real problem. Quietly these public servants toil in personal belief obscurity, walking around thinking what they do, normally never having their true beliefs put into the national forefront. So what Lott is going through is watched at least by this educated voter with delicious delight...

And John Lewis...I can't understand what he's saying. I have a great deal of respect for the Congressman, but to essentially sweep this under the rug, is criminal.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Oh, and by the way thank God for James Carville and others like him. I voted for Clinton in '92 and '96.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED, Part II

IT THRILLS ME to know that I've helped someone get what they want in this world.

THERE ARE FEW PEOPLE who know that I was born in Lansing, Michigan and moved to Dallas at age 3.

MY DAD loves my mother. He tells me everytime we're together. When I was younger, I didn't understand why he told me. But trust me, when I have a son I will tell him about how much I love his mother everyday.

LEAD, follow or get the hell outta the way.

MODESTY is something best learned through practice rather than experience.

I CAN ALWAYS SAY I went to school with some of the greatest minds of the 21st century. And I don't think it's a mistake that we're all friends. I don't know too many people that had a group of friends that included intellectuals, writers, a Rhodes Scholar and a Marshall Scholar.

KENDELL has all the appertenances to be one of the great ones.

PREJUDICE stifles us all. Bottom line. It is the most corosive thing in this great society.

TIMING is everything. One second early you mess things up. One second late, your life changes. Without proper timing...things can get a trifle out of hand.

GO TO BED EARLY and you miss Conan. You miss Larry Sanders. You miss Midnight Love. You miss all the good things being aired for grownups like you.

SEINFELD was a reason to watch television again. He is greatly missed. Why else would we care what he looks like carrying his child around Central Park?

JFK, JR would have been a great one. It was my sole intention to work for George Magazine. I didn't know him, but I woud have worked for him for nearly nothing, just to be a piece of the magic.

MICHAEL IRVIN is still my favorite Cowboy. And America loves him too. We can't get enough of him, because he's unabashedly himself.

ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY is one of the most starkly beautiful places I've ever been. So serene. So historical. Proof that good things can come from ill-will.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED

MAN IS CURSED when he doesn't at least try. To me, if you don't try, then what the hell are you doing complaining for. The least you can do is try.

SECOND PLACE is something I have little understanding or desire to be involved with. If you work harder, it'll show up when it counts. There's no excuse for second place. I think I was happy with second place twice in life, and they were my second grade and eighth grade science fairs. Needless to say, I won all the others in between.

IF NOT FOR ME many guys at Morehouse wouldn't have the advantages they have.

COLLEGE is exactly what you make it. Study hard, you'll do well. Mess around, you won't. But never forget to have fun, and take a lot of pictures.

GARRY SHANDLING makes me laugh more than anyone except Robin Harris and Woody Allen.

MONOGAMY is admittedly difficult. I hate to admit it, but I haven't dealt with it well.

CONTRADICTION is hilarious. In college especially people have no idea how often they contradict themselves.

CUNNILINGUS is not a question, it's a requirement. When else does a man have more control?

WITHOUT MONEY you become extremely creative and resourceful. I've had more fun without money than in the times when it's been abundant.

FORMAL EDUCATION is the most fun thing I've ever been a part of.

JERRY JONES brought pride back to Dallas. Dallas before Jerry and since Jerry is two different places. When the Cowboys win, the economy is better, people are nicer, the sun always shines. Jerry is a huge part of that.

IF YOU'RE LUCKY you can always make her smile.

THE GOOD OLD DAYS are everyday.

ONE DAY you wake up and everything's okay.

SPIKE LEE cares about what he cares about.

I DON'T DATE women that didn't go to a Historically Black College or University. The reason being because they just don't get it. The struggle has to be understood. I just don't believe that they struggled much at Emory, Yale, Brown or SMU.

PARENTSget smarter the older I get.

WOODY ALLENwrites primarily for him and me.

WHEN I WAS A BOY, a great deal of time was put into my development as a caring and loving individual. It's shown later in life.

THE BOYS SCOUTS OF AMERICAtaught me about leadership, manhood, limits, how to follow, and how to tie a clover knot.

MY PARENTSdid an unbelievable job.

IDT was a joke that grew into a real thing. A lesson in beginning something, sustaining it, watching it grow and making sure it's going where it needs to go. The ultimate teaching tool.

NORTH DALLASshaped me. Had I been raised anywhere else, I don't think I'd have that right mix of elitism, understanding, empathy, cool and sense of responsibility.

SPELMAN is a place of highs and lows. Good times and bad times. But the good has outweighed the bad nearly everytime.

ON SEPTMBER 11, 2001 I thought my brother was dead. That was the worst feeling in the world to think that he was gone. I have never been as proud of anyone as I am of my brother and sister, and for one of them to have been gone, would've have negated any reasons I would have had for living. But, for hours, I thought he was gone. Then I got an email around 2pm. I prayed and thanked God. At that point, I realized how selfish I'd been, because so many people's brothers did die. But thank God mine didn't.

MICHAEL JORDAN'S RETURNis the ultimate lesson that there are times when we should all let go.

GIRLFRIENDSare teachers. They teach us things about ourselves that we didn't know, or don't want to accept,at least mine have.

ALBANY, GA is a fine place to visit.

THE BEST TELEVISION SHOW ever is A Different World. If a study were done as to the effect that show had on the decision of individuals to attend HBCU's, it is my contention that the data would yield strongly in favor of the show's subject matter, format, etc. having a great deal to do with their decision on HBCU's. Besides, Jasmine Guy was fine. Lisa Bonet is still a Black Bourgeoisie goddess along with Cree Summer.

TRENT LOTT is the face of white America. Outraged? Surprised? Please. He deserves everything he gets.

MARK CUBAN will make a believer of you all.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Rantings

Topics: The Lakers, Women, Christmas movies, Brad Pitt, Spike Lee, AOL, Burberry, My friends, ESPN Classic, The Democratic Party, My friends who happen to be girls

Lakers...The come from behind win of the Lakers over my Dallas Mavs still stings a little...okay it stings a helluva lot. However, we all know this team will gel again. They will congeal and get their act together, get their zen down and do whatever the hell it is they do to wreak havoc on the league from May until June. It is sad but true. However, this year, I truly believe in my faithful heart that the Mavs are gonna win the NBA Championship. I said it here first, time will tell. But, they have all of the key components for championship glory, and with their second loss of the season last friday (at press time the Mavs are 19-2), they've officially tasted blood in their mouths, gotten up off of the floor and won the next two straight. The Lakers will get better, but not nearly as good as the Mavs. And if Shaq hurts himself again, we've seen there is no such thing as the Lakers.

Women...I don't understand them. However I love them so very much. Nothing like their love, their touch, their warmth. I'll stop here for the sake of my roommates, and their incessant need to rib me.

Christmas Movies...This holiday season I'm actually going to take the time to watch all of the movies that the season has to offer. I never get to do it. But every night, I'm going to the damn show. My must sees are: 25th Hour, Gangs of New York, Lord of the Rings, Catch Me if You Can, Brown Sugar (I know. I still haven't seen it.), About Schmidt, the Julianne Moore/Dennis Quaid pic and any romantic comedy.

Brad Pitt...My roommate Spence made a startling revelation about Mr. Pitt; he's never carried a movie. To be a leading man, I always assumed one would have to lead the others in the cast...Examples where he's worked with giants who outweigh him though he gets the love and equal billing; Interview with the Vampire (worked with Cruise, Banderas and whatshisname), Legends of the Fall (Sir Anthony Hopkins...need I say more), 8 Years in Tibet (Alas the only vehicle in which he solely starred...no love...it was horribly miserable.), Meet Joe Black (Another bad one...this time with Sir Anthony Hopkins again), 12 Monkeys (Bruce Willis outdid him), Seven (That was Morgan Freeman's movie all throughout and then Spacey stole it from both of them), The Mexican (Julia, Julia, Julia), Ocean's Eleven (Hmm...who didn't outshine him here?). Now...Snatch was great. And without him, it wouldn't have worked, but...it's time to work harder at leading a picture. Take some notes from Michael Douglass.

Spike...When oh when will he get his due as one of the great American directors? They parade around these aging brilliant guys...Coppola, Scorcese, Altman, Lucas, Spielberg, but Lee never gets his due. I won't call it racism, that's too easy. And they can't say that the movies he makes are just one way, because another esteemed New York filmmaker...Woody Allen, does the exact same thing. Spike is one of the greatest film director's the world has ever known, and yet he will take more criticism than acclaim. He will be more maligned than magnified. And the reasoning behind it is, the fear of most to admit freely what is in their hearts...he's better than everyone else I've mentioned, and just as brilliant, witty, smart, artistic and clear.

AOL...I can't stress enough the need for AOL. Hotmail is dead. Yahoo is played. Anything free is so 2000. Get with it man. 8.0 will unclutter your life if you let it. Give in...go AOL.

Burberry...I feel partially responsible. I paraded around Morehouse with my Burberry tie last September, only to see the print ghastily displayed on a myriad of other surfaces that turn my stomach at the mention of them. Let it go.

My Boys...All around the world they are. I miss them dearly. Dorian, Benji, Ace, Jeff, Braedan, Cel, Jimmy, Tim, Ray, Tom, Gene, Josh, Aaron, Ham, Scott, Josh, Dedeaux, Kahil (graduating from TSU this weekend), Jasuan, Rhom, Do, Robbie, Malaki, Jarvone, Caishe, Sid, Decatur, Antoy, Jaiwan, Goldy, Wayne, Seth, Johnny, Dave, Raj, Curt, BCeezy, Dion & Devin, Jehu, Mikal, Lenny, Corey, Okera, Jonathan, Tash, Sterl, Rob W., Shaun, H.L., B. Font, Skeet, Joe, Chizz, Senator Labitue, Jordan, Kingfish, Cecil Rhodes...to name a few...I miss y'all. May 18th...be there

ESPN Classic...No greater channel was ever invented. So great, I can't even continue writing about it...

The Democratic Party...Time to go back to the woodshed. We've got to get together and figure this damn thing out man. Work harder and not stop until we can get some real candidates across the board to win. This is crazy!

I'm tired of ranting.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

I Believe

In a woman's right to choose.
Tobe Johnson is the greatest educator in the world.
Oswald did not act alone.
The Cowboys will rise again.
The South won't.
It's never as good as the first time.
They always come back.
Sinatra is smiling from up there.
Bush will win again.
Bill should run in 2006.
We're going to do everything we've planned.
My children will be greater than me.
Favre should be appreciated more.
Emmitt should retire...on top, and as a Cowboy.
The Mavs will win the NBA Championship.
In Vick.
Dean Martin was still the coolest.
I miss Faraji and trips to Lenox.
In my family.
Spike knows how much we appreciate him.
JFK would've done more, given time.
Emory should only be a grad school.
Michael Douglass has never made a bad career choice.
Eddie Murphy has.
Belushi would've done more too, given time.
The Larry Sanders Show is comedy genius.
Inside the Actor's Studio is now watered-down.
A pimp's love is different than a square's love.
The first semester sophomore rule is a good one.
The second semester senior rule is not.
Beth gets me.
Drew Hall was a great experience.
A man should always eat.
The 145 will go down as the most legendary home ever.
I'll be married in two years.
God will give me sons.
Eaglin will do much good.
The Pentagon was a clinic in sound choices.
Lo will win.
Wu will too.
I will never leave Downtown Decatur.
In the end, we will always win.
A Different World is the greatest sitcom ever.
It's okay to think that way about Marisa Tomei.
Conan is still just for smart college kids.
I miss the Monks.
The Triplex was better when we were in it.
The Tiger will be left in good hands.
2003 will be very good to me.
Graduation will be exactly what I expected.
I'll tell her, soon.
My sister and brother will do amazing things.
I miss Cecil, Shrek, Luc and Wiz.
The Syndicate threw better Hard Rock parties than ANYONE else.
You'll never have a friend like me.
Never have so few done so much with so little.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it...

I haven't been here in awhile due to obligations with school. I'm happy to say that I am officially back.

I have no excuse since I don't have class until January 15th at 9AM. So, I'll pretty much be writing everyday.

Here we go...
Funny thing happened on the way to graduation...This time, for the first time, I actually went to class. I know it sounds crazy, but I had no idea how one's education could be enhanced by simply going to class and taking school seriously. For the first time in my life, I am on the brink of graduation from College and I'm so damn excited, I don't know what the hell to do.

Other news...where do I begin? Bush, Iraq, my growing dissappointment with Vanity Fair, the Cowboys, My Mavs, Morehouse and women. This is going to kind of be like Pardon the Interruption, the greatest show next to Larry Sanders...on television.

Bush- Well, you get what you pay for. I mean, this thing with Iraq has been going on for over ten years now, and it's still unsolved. When the heck are we just gonna cut our losses and find a new alternative to this problem. Also, I'm a trifle concerned about the economy, since the Treasury secretary was dismissed last week. I don't remember a time in recent history when that's occurred, so it has me a little on edge, for in 2003, I'll be making real money for the first time in MY life. But, for all of you African Americans bored with politics, I've got a solution that will be lucrative for us...Blacks for Bush. Trust me, it'll work. We'll go around and talk about how much we dig the cat, how well he dresses and how swell he pimps, and in the meantime gain access to things that before we only dreamed of...kinda like the way we do at Morehouse. Think about it...

Vanity Fair...I started reading the magazine because I am a worldly young man with a firm grasp of pop culture and all of its advantages. I have to admit that the rag has inspired some of my best and most memorable work, but I am becoming increasingly dissappointed with their output. The latest ingenue on the cover, takes away from the cool, slickness of the mag itself. It's almost taking itself far too seriously. They should take a page from GQ and stay on message.

Cowboys...If any one thing can break my heart it's the Dallas Cowboys. Ahead of the hated San Francisco 49ers on sunday with a little time to go, we let it slip away. Just ten years ago, the young class of the league and now ten years later, a punchline. As a consumer, a fan, and a citizen of Dallas, I am fed up with it. Jerry needs new blood in his team like I need my damn diploma. It's long overdue. It would be sad to see Campo go, (well not Morris Brown sad), but a change has got to come. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of the Cowboys life. Gone are the days of Charles Haley, The Triplets, Tony Tolbert, Russell Maryland, Leon Lett, Tony Casillas, Ken Norton, Darrin Smith, Robert Smith, Thomas Everett, Larry Brown, Kenny Gant, Alvin Harper, Mark Stepnoski, Jay Novacek, The Moose, Deion, Gogan and Gesek. These are the times of...hell I don't even know these guys. Jerry, bite the damn bullet...hire Jimmy as an advisor like the NIners did with Walsh, just please do something...fast.

Mavs...Yeah baby! Okay, we dropped one to the Naptown and the Staples got us again (Nash was on the bench too long in the 4th), but man...aren't we fun to watch? Dirk and Steve streak up the court, Raef and even Bradley making plays, Defense being played all around. It's a good time in Big D. The heart and soul is Mike Finley though. Old number 4 doesn't let things go bad, and forget what you heard, it's his team. Also, the Mavs may have the baddest bench in the league with Najera, Van Exel, Griffin, Bell and Johnson. The crazy thing is they just get better...

Morehouse...Lord willing, I'm graduating on May 18th. Bring the family, the kids, the grandparents, the everyone you can gather and bring yourself to Atlanta baby. We are setting this bad boy out. On May 17th, we're partying it up something nasty. A roast and dinner in honor of none other than yours truly and my roommate Roger Spencer Humphrey as well as a party that will last until dawn. It's been a long time comin'...

Women...Sinatra sang, "That's life, that's what the people say, you're riding high in April, shot down in May, but you get back on top in June!" I feel him. It's been crazy since June 2001. No concrete anything. Dating as much as possible to virtually no avail. And spending too much energy, as my father put it, pursuing women. But hey pally, it's all about the chase. Things are brightening up academically, and I have a feeling that things will all work out. I do want to say however, I often marvel at their beauty, style, grace, poise, intelligence, and at the same time, wonder about their decision making, reasoning, accountability and rational thought. It's kind of like the old joke: A man went to his friend and said, my brother's crazy he thinks he's a chicken. The guy tells him to turn his brother in. He says, I would but I need the eggs. More often than not, despite the craziness, and all it entails, we need the eggs.

The Larry Sanders Show...If you have Bravo on your cable network, don't overlook it. At 10pm and 1AM tune into Bravo and catch an hour of Larry Sanders. It is hilarious, fresh, funny, and it's in re-runs. I've never laughed so hard at a show in my life. It is so choice, I highly recommend it.


BONUS...Bucs Fans...Here's my sage advice. Just win one. Win it on the road, in the cold, or they will dog you forever about it, like the '94 Rockets (Jordan-less NBA) or the '99 Spurs (Short season). But if that scenario doesn't present itself, just win baby...Jermaind Dupri...PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES...Love Is Stronger than Pride...Sade is a sage. I don't know where she got those lyrics from other than pain, but this song will get you through the nights. A little dose of Frankie and Miles don't hurt either. But if you're the ultimate player, play some Getz and Gilberto live... AOL 8.0... Dig it man. Hotmail is played. Grow up and get the damn AOL. Step it up. Darryl Diggs...Where do I begin? I know Hobbes said to acknowledge a man is to honor him but brother, get it together. Congrats on publishing the book, but we have a lot of living to do. Remember that...Hoya Lawyas...The must-have for the Spring...I'll write poems everyday if need be...

I'm Joe, and this is how I see it...