Monday, November 21, 2005

Brown University Bears

Congratulations oh Brunos
For who knows
The next time that you will wear the crown of Ivy
That has alluded you for so long
If I could, I'd write a song
About your heroics on the field
And the way you've played your season with zeal.
Harvard dealt you a loss in the second game of the season,
And those Brown faithful who left your side should be tried for treason.
But even the brutes from Cambridge now fully know,
That it's the Brown Bears who carry the Ivy League trophy in tow.
The Tigers of Princeton were formidable indeed,
But even with 28 points by the orange, the Brunos didn't concede.
For a 3 point victory is a win either way,
Especially in the NCAA.
The Cornell gridders mustered 24,
And against a normal team, that would have been a high enough score,
But the '05 Brown Bears are no normal team,
And after the Brunos scored 38, Cornell was sent back to Ithaca to steam.
The Quakers of Penn gave all they could muster,
Blowing in from west Philly full of pomp and bluster,
But 20 points was no match for Brown's 34
And the Bears quickly showed the blue and red, what Princeton and Cornell had learned the weeks before.
Boola, boola and Eli were yelled,
But Brown's running game, the boys in blue could not quell,
For though Yale scored 3 tds,
At the end of the game, they were merely on their knees
As Brown danced away with another in a string of victories.
The next opponent was Dartmouth, the men in green
Tough, strong, and keen
But still their efforts were futile though the game was tight
And yet another double digit victory brought Brown closer to the limelight.
With a Rhodes candidate running the ball, and the media swarming,
With the attention of the fans of Providence warming,
With a 5-1 conference record, and Brown's bandwagon filling,
The Brunos travelled to NY ready and willing.
The Columbia Lions hosted the game,
Then 52 points later, the Brown Bears were thrust inexorably into immortal fame.
With a 31 point victory well in hand,
And praise coming from all over the land,
Brown Bears, you stand alone,
From your rightfully lofty perch on the Ivy League throne.

- Joseph S. Carlos

This poem is dedicated to my brother Jordan (Brown '01) and my sister Marjon (Brown '05).

I'm Joe and that's how I see it.

How Joe Sees It Men of the Year Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen gather 'round. The winners of the inaugural How Joe Sees It Men of the Year Awards are soon to be announced. HJSI will be honoring men in the following categories:

Balling and Stunting
On the Cusp
Hall of Fame

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Overrated List

Before going to bed, I usually peruse my DVD collection and find a nice movie to fall asleep to. The other night it was the classic, "Hanging with the Homeboys", but usually it's Woody Allen's masterpiece, "Manhattan." Last night, I was so tired from and of work that I only had one movie on my mind...Office Space. I don't know why I'm mentioning this other than the fact that I was actually talking back to the movie, fully understanding everything that the film was about and stood for. I say all of that to say that yesterday I had a conversation with my friend JC about growing up, and all of the things that no one tells you. No one tells you about the deafening monotony of it all. In fact, it's overrated. So...I'm devoting this entry to all of the things I can think of that are overrated as of November 17, 2005...

The 2005 Atlanta Falcons
No time, should a team supposedly so great lose to a 1-7 team in the fashion that the Falcons did on Sunday at the hands of Green Bay, at the Georgia Dome. The offense was apoplectic. The defense was porous. The Falcons...are...overrated.

Sure, we all loved it in the summer of 2003, when there was nothing to do and young Bro. Kutcher was hotter than fishgrease, but now they're punking stars on WB shows? Let it go and walk away.

The 2005 Elections
Okay, so the Dems (thank gosh) won Virginia and New Jersey again. This was a great win for the party of FDR, JFK, Clinton and me, but let's put it in some perspective. 2006 is a long way away, and the Scooter Libby scandal can only be drawn out for so long. The President's coattails will grow long again, and like it or not, by 2008, he will have been there for 8 years. If history has taught us anything, it is that the vast majority of Americans who vote, don't really care about polls, the economy, grave injustices in other countries nor the one they live in, and just vote blindly. So pally, wake up and realize that this mantle of leadership currently in power will be there for a while.

Phil Jackson
Phil, if you want to show me you're the greatest of all time, come to Atlanta and win 45 games.

This year, yes it's going in the direction of my beloved Longhorns, but let's be serious. This thing is so out of wack it's ridiculous. There are more one loss teams with blown seasons due to this thing than there have ever been. Despite an offense since Prothro went down, shouldn't Alabama be ranked higher simply due to having split games between LSU and Florida? Shouldn't Auburn, with one loss mind you be ranked higher having only lost to perennial top 25 Ga Tech in the first week of the season?

I am so sick and tired of the hype surrounding things that are not decided by public opinion. Right now it's Heisman hype. In December it'll be Super Bowl hype, in January, Oscar hype. Give me a break. We will watch these programs without all of the added extras that the hype machines create, so please give it a rest. On the hype tip though...Vince Young for the Heisman, The Cowboys/Seahawks v. Indy in the Super Bowl, and Woody Allen will be nominated for an Oscar for Match Point.

Special Features on DVDs
The only special features I care about are deleted scenes that will explain questions I have in the movie that I am watching at the time. I don't care about featurettes, on-location reports, what other work someone did, production notes, or still photos from the movie. Just give me PERTINENT deleted footage.

Commentary Tracks on DVDs
This piggybacks right off of the previous one. Directors and actors should be tasked to watch the movie that they are commenting on the weekend before they do commentary. Many times, if it's an older movie, they haven't seen it in so long that they are watching it, and cringing at their mistakes. What's the use of commentary if you're not commenting on the scene at hand?

Mark Richt
The head coach of the University of Georgia has won some games, granted. He's even won some big games, but as the brothers in the barber shop mentioned the other day, he's never won THE BIG GAME. So to me, he's overrated too. He's never been undefeated, and his teams fold in the games when the stakes are highest.

That's all I can think of for now. But I'll keep you posted.

I'm Joe, and that's how I see it.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Terrell Owens and his unbearable lightness of being

I never really liked T.O. because he was a 49er, and the only Niner I ever liked was Joe Montana. But seriously, I never liked him until he made the big catch during the playoffs against the Packers. And I especially didn’t like him after he spiked a football in the middle of the Cowboys logo, 50 yards from the endzone.

However, I have always enjoyed his outrageous antics, and usually I see them for nothing more than what they are, antics. Despite all of the brashness and loudness in pro football, the outrageous antics are at a minimum. T.O. gives the league that nice dash of controversy that every pro league in America needs.

When he went to Philadelphia, I wasn’t a bit more pleased. The reason being because I was raised in Dallas, and I’m a very serious Cowboy fan. So, the news that the league’s top receiver was moving to our division, the NFC East, didn’t make things easier.

I watched last season with pride however when he and Donovan McNabb worked together and made it to the Super Bowl. Despite several attempts, there have only been three African American quarterbacks to start a Super Bowl, and currently, their record is 1-2. So imagine the pride that I felt when McNabb and Owens advanced and played tough throughout the game, despite the loss.

Now, on to the current situation…T.O. has acted a plum fool. There is no explanation that I can see as to why someone would act the way he has. Maybe he was just kidding around when he was talking about not talking to his qb, McNabb.

Maybe he was just kidding around when he said that the Eagles didn’t recognize his 100th touchdown catch (a feat that the Raiders stopped a game for 15 minutes to recognize for Tim Brown, when his fellow wide receiver Jerry Rice had nearly doubled that amount). Maybe there was a good reason that he fought Hugh Douglas, a retired player. And maybe there was even an explanation for not apologizing to his teammates, his coaches, the Eagles organization, Philadelphia, and his mother for acting like a plum fool. But he didn’t. And now, he’s out of work, and for what? For a payday increase that he’ll never see again. Because, once you show your whole ass, then everyone else knows what you’re capable of, and knows the warning signs or possible outcomes of your outbursts.

T.O. is a sad commentary on the athlete whose skills make him so infinitely superior to all others around him that he starts to believe that he truly is above reproach. Nothing could be further from the truth. His skills make him great, but they make him great only on the field. Off the field, he’s a normal human being, who lives life and pays bills. On the field, he’s the best at what he does. However, somewhere in the confusion between the field and real life, T.O. started to blur the two, and what’s left in the wake is the utter confusion and calamity that he has caused.

The only advice that I can give T.O. is to remember the humbling feeling of being out of work. Look back on good times, savor the positive memories, and act right. Stand up straight. Walk tall. Say it and mean it, and let petty stuff go. They didn’t recognize your 100th td, so what? The history books will. You don’t feel that you’re getting your love? You’re getting paid millions of dollars to play football. That in and of itself is crazy. Shut up and play. Be a man. In any case, be something else that what you have been, because brother, it’s not working right now…and come to think of it, neither are you.

I’m Joe and that’s how I see it.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Homecoming in Retrospect

Biting terribly off of my main man Faraji, (, I too must do a homecoming retrospective entry.

These are a few of my favorite moments...

1) Shopping with the incomparable Raymond Lee Jones and buying two pairs of sunglasses at the Lenox kiosk knowing fully well that his would look better than mine.

2) Going to every store in Lenox that we visited when Ray lost his keys.

3) Being surprised by the appearance of Geoff Bennett after he informed me that he was not coming.

4) Seeing Jason Boulware and Chuck the flesh.

5) Seeing how our classmates had grown up...and in some cases out.

6) The talk that Cash and I had after we dropped the van at Spence's.

7) Me and JC's trip to Sam's.
We sampled food every 5 seconds.

8) Trying to park at the tailgate, while officer Hall was not letting us pull up to the spot, and watching JC become irate and scream at him about calling Dr. Massey as if it was going to make a bit of difference.

9) JC rebounding and finding the ill parking spot.

10)When my brilliant cohorts working in congress, bribed a Spelman worker with a John Deere 4x4 and moved all of our stuff from the van to the tent.

11) Randall's shirt...priceless.

12) D Cal, peeling off $30 at 3AM outside of Luxe and imploring me to make it happen

13) J Smith for making a 166 on the LSAT

14) Hearing my friend Farai say, "I've watched enemies and friends shake hands and hug today, and be genuine in their interest in each other's lives. I've watched Morehouse be at its very best today, and I am inspired." This was special, considering I've been in a 3 year feud with Farai, that ended the moment we saw
each other and talked for over an hour.

15) George's microphone

16) B Font's and Fritz's White Sox t-shirts...respectively.

17) Raj's culinary expertise

18) JC insisting that we buy those shrimp though I protested

19) Seeing everyone

20) Ashton not wanting to put his beer down

21) Texas won, though Morehouse did not.

22) Hanging out with John and George just trying to hold on to the good times of the weekend, and telling them in front of Ken Julian at Bruster's off of Moreland, "this shit hurts man, because you will be gone in 12 hours. And we're smiling now, but it's gonna be tears soon pally."

23) The HAPPY the damn chain

24) Waffle House with Corey, B and Raj.

25) Sneaking into the Luxe party around the side with Randall and John, waiting as others jumped in front of us paid, and then hearing Larry say to me, "Bring yo'ass on in here Joe!"

26) Rain on Friday in Austell

27) Pulling up to R. Thomas's at 3AM, and seeing B Font make his way in right before me.

28) Hearing 'We Major' blast from the green van parked in front of our tent, and then walking up to the van, and having the DJ show me love, as we talk about 'Late Registration' for the next 15 minutes.

29) Sheldon being out for the count by 5

30) D.I. and Rio's party at The Westin

31) Chuck Price and Jason Boulware...gotta mention them

32) Getting Kwabi to Luxe early, only to hear him complain at the time, but later hearing him thank me so much because A) He didn't pay B) He had a great

33) Joni telling me, "Joe, Kasi's spending time with ME now..."

34) E Brooks's shirt.

35) Raj pouring endless drinks at Max Lager

36) Corey pouring endless drinks at the tent

37) Corey buying me a beer, the very second I saw him

38) Watching Geoff move and groove on the dance floor with effortless aplomb.

39) Joking with H.M. Goodgame, Jr. at the tent

40) Knowing that we had the biggest, baddest, livest tent at all of homecoming with the most sought after drink, the best food, and sponsored by the most chill cats.

41) Did I mention that Texas won?